The Invisible List series ends here – with the anger that’s been building, what it actually means, and the one thing that comes after it that isn’t rage or collapse.
The Invisible List, Part 3: What You Do When You Can’t Unknow It Read More »
The invisible list doesn’t stay at home. Part 2 of this series is about the slower, quieter erosions — the ones that happen at work, in public, in the spaces where women learn to smile and move on.
The Invisible List, Part 2: What You’ve Been Swallowing for Years Read More »
Most women carry a list no one else sees — planning, anticipating, managing everything just enough to keep it from falling apart. This is Part 1 of a three-part series on the labor that disappears into the background of your life.
The Invisible List, Part 1: The Work Nobody Sees Read More »
There’s a question that doesn’t get asked enough in conversations about change.
We talk a lot about why it’s hard to grow. We talk about fear, and comfort zones, and the weight of old habits. What we talk about less is this: who benefits when you don’t?
The People Who Need You to Stay Stuck Read More »
A friend told me recently that what I offer sounds great and genuinely helpful, but she just doesn’t have the time and energy for one more thing.
I believe her completely. Time and energy really are in short supply for most of us, especially the women I talk to most. But the more I sat with it, the more I started to wonder if time was the whole story, or if it was just part of a more complicated story.
When one more thing feels like too much Read More »
Because when you start to change, some of the people in your life will struggle with it. And how they respond can range from a flicker of discomfort to walking away entirely. It’s tempting to make this entirely about them. Sometimes that’s fair. But not always. And the not always is where I want to spend this week.
The People Who Liked You Better Before Read More »
And then comes the part nobody warns you about.
You’ve done that work. You’ve seen something true about yourself that you didn’t see before. And you wait for that knowledge to change things.
And then you find yourself doing the exact same thing again.
Not because you forgot. Not because you didn’t mean it. But because knowing something and living differently because of it are two completely separate skills, and nobody tells you that. We talk about self-awareness like it’s the finish line. Like once you see the thing clearly, the thing loses its power.
It doesn’t work that way.
When You Know Yourself Better and It Doesn’t Fix Anything (Yet) Read More »
Last week we talked about the competence trap – the way being good at something can quietly become the thing that holds you in place. If you recognized yourself in any of that, this week is for you.
Because recognition is only useful if it leads somewhere – so let’s talk about what to actually do.
How to Escape the Competence Trap (and Keep From Falling Back In) Read More »
Nobody warns you about this particular kind of stuck.
You’re not stuck because you failed. You’re not stuck because you chose wrong or took a wrong turn or missed your calling somewhere along the way. You’re stuck because you’re good at something. Really good. And the people around you have noticed, and they need you to keep being good at it, and somewhere in the middle of all that competence a door quietly closed behind you.
That’s the competence trap. And it’s one of the sneakiest ways a life stops fitting.
When Being Good at Something Becomes a Trap Read More »
There’s a measuring stick a lot of us grew up with, and most of us never thought to question it.
It goes something like this: your value as a person is tied to what you produce. What you achieve. What you can point to and say, I did that. The degree on the wall. The promotion. The marathon medal. The impressive answer to “so what do you do?”
By that measure, a person who is striving is worth more than a person who is resting. A person climbing is worth more than a person standing still. And a person who has stopped pushing – who is content and has decided that enough is, in fact, enough – is failing at something, even if nobody can quite name what.
Most of us absorbed this so early we don’t even know we’re carrying it. We just feel the low hum of it. The sense that we should be doing more. Becoming more. Proving more.
And the exhausting part is that it never stops. There’s always another rung. Always another thing to accomplish before you can finally retire and feel like enough.
The Measuring Stick That Makes Every Rest Feel Like Failure Read More »
