It’s crazy how fast time disappears when I’m deep in research mode. I can spend hours down a rabbit hole figuring out the best way to organize all my life purpose material. (Yes, I am a nerd, and proud of it.) But here’s the thing: that kind of deep focus? It lights me up. I lose time in the best way – it stretches my mind and makes me feel calm and clear.
That feeling? That’s what I call a joy source. And we all need at least one, especially when life starts to feel dull, heavy, or like you’re running on autopilot.
Numbing Isn’t the Same as Nourishing
Let’s pause and get real for a minute.
When you say you’re “taking care of yourself,” are you actually feeling better afterward – or just… less overwhelmed for a little while?
There’s a big difference between self-care and self-soothing.
And if no one’s ever explained that difference to you, you’re not alone.
Self-soothing is distraction. It looks like:
- Scrolling until your brain goes fuzzy
- That second glass of wine
- Zoning out with a show you’re not even watching
- Reaching for snacks to avoid feelings you don’t want to deal with
And listen, I’m not judging. I do these things too.
Self-soothing helps us cope, but it’s not meant to be the whole story. If that’s all you’re doing, it might be time to ask: What would it look like to actually care for myself, not just numb out?
Self-Care That Actually Fills You Up
Real self-care isn’t always easy, and it’s definitely not always glamorous. It’s not just face masks and fuzzy socks (though those have their place). The kind of care that changes things? It’s the stuff that reconnects you with yourself.
It might look like:
- Going to bed on time, even when your to-do list isn’t done
- Saying no, even if it makes someone uncomfortable
- Journaling what’s really on your mind
- Crying, praying, letting yourself feel
- Moving your body in ways that bring relief, not guilt
- Asking for help – and letting yourself receive it
But here’s the truth: self-care like this takes intention. And when you’ve been in survival mode, even thinking about what might nourish you can feel overwhelming.
So how do you start?
One small step at a time. Here are a few ways to begin, no pressure required:
Start Small
Want to journal? Try three times a week instead of every day.
Want to move more? Take a five minute walk.
The goal isn’t perfection, it’s connection.
Find Your People
Whatever you’re curious about – gardening, painting, volunteering, birdwatching – there’s a community out there for it. Search online, check your library, or ask a friend. (I found a group of beginner artists when I started painting. They weren’t just helpful, they were inspiring!)
Stretch Your Curiosity
Watch a YouTube video on something that interests you.
Check out a book on a whim.
Try a new recipe or a different music genre.
These tiny moments of curiosity are self-care too. They wake you up from the inside out.
Celebrate Little Wins
Followed through on something that mattered to you this week?
Celebrate it. Brag on yourself. Let that feeling of progress land.
Give Yourself Grace
If you try something and it doesn’t click? That’s okay.
If you skip a day or change direction? That’s not failure, it’s flexibility.
This is your journey. You get to pivot. You get to rest. You get to begin again.
Feeling Disconnected? You’re Not Broken
Sometimes, it’s not just discontent – it’s something deeper. And no amount of bubble baths or journaling feels like enough.
You might feel unsatisfied, overwhelmed, unfulfilled, or just plain lost.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re disconnected from something important.
That’s your cue to go deeper.
Start by noticing:
- What drains you vs. what energizes you
- What triggers your restlessness or frustration
- What values matter most to you, and whether your life reflects them
- What your recurring thoughts about change are trying to tell you
Journaling can help. So can mindfulness. So can asking for help.
You don’t have to figure this all out alone. Sometimes the best way to reconnect with yourself is to let someone walk beside you for a while.
That’s why I created the Refinding Your Life Purpose program – to help you uncover the central joy source you’ve been missing and build your life around what truly matters.
Rediscovering your purpose can bring you back to a life that actually fits you. It’s not always easy, but it is life-changing.
If you’ve been stuck in a pattern of just getting through the day, this is your reminder:
There’s more available to you.
Not more to do.
More to feel.
More to live.
Because self-care isn’t selfish, and it’s not a luxury.
It’s the slow, steady practice of building a life that doesn’t require so much numbing.
You’re allowed to start small.
You’re allowed to begin again.
You’re allowed to feel better than “just getting by.”
And if you’re ready to take the next step but don’t want to go it alone?
I’d be honored to walk with you.